Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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