Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
