Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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