yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
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The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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