So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
