did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
