id be glad to
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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