his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
