kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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