i just wanna soil my oats bro
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
