Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
