There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
well, you know. whores of a feather.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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