i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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