the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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