There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
