all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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