Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
