dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
