you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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