where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Randomize
