hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
