I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
