I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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