I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
