Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
