His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
