Swine flu. Run for my life!
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
