I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
