My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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