Do you still have your period?
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
