She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
