Michael Bay diarrhea
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
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