im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
