Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
