She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
