OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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