he shaved USA in his pubs
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize