He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
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