i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
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