Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Randomize
