He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize