I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
