Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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