What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
