All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
We smell like vodka and hangover
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
