you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
