at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
