he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban