i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.