Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
These 23 Kids Have The Most Overbearing Parents Imaginable
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
21 People That Are Skilled At Illegal Activities
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?