Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
These Are 19 of the Most Horrible Strangers People Had to Sit Next to
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet