yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
