Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
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