I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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