Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
