Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Randomize
