For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
