Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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