i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
