how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Just pee around me
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
