dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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