i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
