dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
