great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
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