in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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