i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
