I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
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either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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