I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
my poor anus
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
