does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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