he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
50% drunk capacity currently
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
