im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
