I accidentally had phone sex last night
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Randomize
