I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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