Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
