U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
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While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
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