Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
