i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
