I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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